Foster Care: When Birth Parents Give Up.

I have not written a blog on this site in a very long time.  My apologies.  My former laptop is kaput and I just recently got this new laptop.  Blogging from work is highly frowned upon.  I miss writing!

I have this case.  Well, I have several of them, but this one case in particular is especially — trying.  This has been an ongoing case for several years and I acquired it in December.  This has been one of the most difficult cases I’ve ever had.  I have plenty of experience dealing with difficult birth parents.  This one takes the cake!

Here’s some history:
-Daughter came into care in 2012, initially.  She was placed back in mom’s care twice since then though the state has maintained legal custody since initial placement.
-Son came into care in 2014.  Mom and dad were incarcerated due to a domestic violence issue.  They didn’t have an appropriate caregiver for the kiddos to go to so they entered foster care.
-Since being released from jail, all mom needed to do was follow court orders and follow recommendations of (mental health, anger management, substance abuse, domestic violence, parenting) professionals and obtain/maintain employment and housing.
-Dad has been out of the picture since this past July.

At the beginning of December, the state motioned to change the permanency plan from reunification to adoption.  The change was granted and now the state will be petitioning the court to terminate parental rights in May.

Since January, I feel that mom has given up.  We’ve had a little more than a dozen scheduled supervised visits.  Of those, mom has canceled 5 visits and has been late to another 5 of them.

For the last couple of weeks we’ve been doing a dance around the visitation issue.  She finally said something to the effect of “what’s the point when I’m not getting my kids back anyway?”  **sigh**  These visits are so important to the kiddos.  I get that seeing her children is difficult especially when she’s right – she likely won’t be getting her children back.  She has the capacity to parent; however, I don’t believe she truly wants her children back.  She likes being “free”.  And at this point, the state’s hands are tied.  When a child has been in care for 15/22 months, the state is required to seek termination of parental rights.  Now, for the daughter, we should’ve moved forward sooner.  But now that the son has also met the 15/22 month rule, we cannot grant mom any more time.

The saddest part about this case is that reunification could’ve been so easy!  But instead of following through with court orders and following recommendations given by professionals, she has pussy-footed around and now… it’s too late, frankly.

I didn’t want her to give up though.  The kiddos are heartbroken that mom isn’t coming to see them and trying to explain to them why visits are continually being canceled… well, I don’t like making little ones cry.  If I could stop visits altogether at this point, I would.  At least I wouldn’t have to disappoint the kiddos week after week after week…

My job now is to document everything that happens, to continue building my case for court.  These children want their mother and yet somehow she is showing me that she doesn’t truly want them.  So, when a parent gives up, the social worker has to step-up his/her game.  I have to be harder on mom, easier on the kiddos, and more aware of my actions.  I have long discussions with the foster parents and my supervisor regarding this case as I need to make sure every base is covered.

Really, every case should be completely covered at all times – always documenting, always on point.  But cases like this need that attention ever more so.  My stress level is through the roof right now.  I’m not sleeping well, I’m gaining weight, I have difficulty concentrating at work, and I cry easily.

I need a vacation

I need this case to be done!

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The Last Two Weeks.

Today I put in my two-week notice.

On April 18th I had an interview for a state position.  The interview went really, really well.  So well in fact that they had called my references as soon as I left.  Within a couple of hours I had texts from people saying, “I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but you’re frontrunner for the position!”  I was so excited for that happy news!  I received the offer phone call this past Friday while I was out-of-town at a tattoo convention (everyone has different outlets).

Today I put in my two-week notice.  I had written the letter yesterday.  For those looking for a well-written letter of resignation, here’s my letter (with the personal info taken out):

Full Name
Address
City, State ZIP
Phone Number
Email Address

Date

Manager’s/Supervisor’s Name
Manager’s/Supervisor’s Title
Agency/Company Name
Address
City, State ZIP

Dear Manager/Supervisor,

I would like to inform you that I am resigning my position as [Position Title] from [Agency/Company Name], effective two weeks from this date.  I have accepted a position with [Future Agency/Company Name].

This decision was not an easy one to make.  Thank you for the many opportunities of professional and personal growth over the past [length of employment].  I have thoroughly enjoyed working with [Agency/Company Name] and appreciate the support provided to me during my time with the agency.

[Agency/Company Name] has a special place in my heart.  I wish you and [Agency/Company Name] the best.  If I can be of any help during the transition, please let me know.

Sincerely,
Signed Name
Printed Name

Today I put in my two-week notice.  The moment was bittersweet.  I really do love this agency.  I really am looking forward to advancing my career.  My boss saw this coming as she was one of the references on my resume.  The hardest part will be saying goodbye to my clients.  How do I explain to a child who has been ripped from his/her birth home that I am leaving and someone new will be taking over their case?  **sigh**

The scariest part is moving from the nonprofit world to the state world.  I know how to do nonprofits.  This is outside of my comfort zone.  And I must continue to push on through the discomfort because I am going to continue my good work and help individuals be the best them they can be through advocacy and education and prevention.

My new job will still entail working with foster care, except the individuals won’t be quite children.  These 18-21 year olds have been in the foster care system and have “aged out”.  Many (if not all) states allow these young ones to sign themselves back into foster care until they are 21 years old in order to facilitate and educate these kiddos on how to be functioning, productive adults.  I will be teaching them life skills (money management, communication, resume-building, etc.), helping them find/apply for jobs, helping them enroll in college classes, etc.  I’m excited to be expounding on my experiences and starting this new chapter.

Today I put in my two-week notice.